.: m.i.c.h.e.l.l.e.l.a.m :.

Merdeka? Malaysia’s independence day…What does it mean to you? Yea, I’ve received this email from BRATs asking us to drop in our thoughts for Aug Ole Brats…I was interested to write in but was a little busy and messed up with my thoughts lately so I didn’t send my thoughts in…I’ve no idea why is it this year I don’t have the feel of celebrating this day…Perhaps when I’m in school, the environment makes me feel more into this celebration (2 weeks before merdeka, the school will play those patriotic songs through the P.A system early in the morning for about 20 minutes [I remember vividly as it disturbed my sleep last time!!] haha)…

Few years back, my group of friends and I went to Prangin Mall to celebrate merdeka…As usual for school children, they will hang out during public holidays or weekends…We are one of them anyway…We went for lunch in Pizza Hut, went for a movie, sat at Starbucks updating each other…We were like more than 15 of us if I’m not mistaken, laughing aloud, cross the road as if there were no cars *there were many cars*, we just do the way we want…It was really fun although we went a little over board…At that time, that age of us, we never think so much too…Thinking back all these pure and innocent sweet memories are really those unforgettable ones…

This year I spent my merdeka shopping with mum for some groceries *all those old aunts out from nowhere all rushed to the supermarkets, standing in the middle of the walkway and blocked my way!* and just stayed at home…How boring…

-enough of merdeka-

Lately, I’ve became more and more emotional…I’ve no idea why I’m afraid whenever night comes which I’ve never have such feelings before…I used to love night time but not now anymore…Perhaps is because when everyone is sleeping soundly, includes my dog, the night is silent and still…There’s only my radio left accompanying me [at least there’s some sound] and also my hp…

When the atmosphere is quiet and cold, my mind starts to work more efficiently on other matters exclude study…I’ve been thinking bout the situation when Wei Lin is leaving and the time I’m leaving…Before I can even leave, I start to cry…Just uncontrollable when I think of leaving everything back in Penang…The same thoughts kept lingering in my mind for the past few days and is still now in my mind, that’s why I’m sitting here blogging again…I can imagine Val’s feelings of knowing that she is with her friends for the last day in class and the next day she has to leave…Now I know I’m leaving in another 4 months, I’ve got time for me to prepare but I still burst into tears, what more can you say in Val’s case…

Lately every now and then I’ll be making noise wanting to leave here to start everything from the beginning…However, when it comes to night, I’ll have different thoughts…At that moment, I don’t feel like leaving Penang anymore…Penang is where I was brought up in…Suddenly, I’ve got to leave here for few months which I’ve never do that before [maximum duration of leaving home without parents is 11 days]…Leaving Penang will also be leaving mum, dad, bro, didi, Rusty, all my buddies from school and college, Penang food, Penang beaches etc…

Obviously not only I’m thinking of the matter of leaving Penang…I’m also thinking of my coming birthday…My 18^th birthday falls somewhere my finals…Why don’t UK celebrate Raya as well? So that I’ve get to celebrate my last birthday in Penang before I go any further…I don’t think I’ll get to celebrate my birthday this year as everyone will be having no mood celebrating…Everyone’s mood will be drifted away by the killer word- EXAM…How I wish I get a … *silent* =)

So happen I flipped through the book whereby my fifth form classmates and friends pen some lines…I was there laughing away alone in my room, recalling all the sweet moments we shared in class…Zhenz, miss calling each other in class, when we are just sitting next to each other? Failing History with flying colours? Laughed till burst into tears? Discussed about your Initial-D for the whole month until I can even remember the conversation of that movie? *I’ve never watch Initial-D till today* Lambeh, got excited when nothing really happen? Been our mp3 for the whole year? Barnie, partner abusing me throughout the year? Jas, my darling for 2 years consecutively? Wow, good moments indeed…Other than arguing over facts and stuff with teachers, boycott teachers etc, the best thing I ever did in my 5 years of secondary school was when I’m in my fourth form…I climbed through the window to open the door for the class…The teacher stopped me but I insisted to go on...(no waste of having fun in that famous-for-nothing-except-the-damn-bloody-strict-school-rules school) At least teachers still remember me, obviously not because of I’m a really good and obedient student but is the total opposite of it…Teachers remember me of all my bad stuff…=)

I’m tired…till here